Written by Samantha Carter
After experiencing traumatic sexual assault in 2018, Tiffany’s life turned upside down. While seemingly fine on the outside looking in, Tiffany was fighting an internal battle that would later culminate in addiction and an inability to cope.
When Tiffany came to the All Points North (APN) Lodge in 2022, she knew things needed to change. Just eight months later, she opened up about her process of recovery and transformation in the APN podcast episode, Learning to Trust Myself After Trauma: Recovery x Tiffany. To learn more about Tiffany’s healing journey, check out the podcast or continue reading the article below.
The Post Traumatic Stress of Sexual Assault
As Tiffany opens up about the lasting effects of her sexual trauma, it’s apparent just how life-changing this type of event can be.
“I came here for PTSD and anxiety and depression,” Tiffany said. “I had just gotten to a place in my life where I was desperate for change—desperate for freedom. I was chasing my worth in all the wrong directions – didn’t know how to cope with life anymore on my own – and I was just desperate.”
While it had been four years since this scarring incident, Tiffany’s attention was brought back to the assault when an investigation surfaced years later.
“I kind of put it aside and then 2020 came around,” Tiffany said. “I got a call from a reporter and investigator and found out I was one of at least 10 victims to this person. [Suddenly], I was involved in this big case … so it brought all these PTSD symptoms to light and things I had been pushing down for years.”
At this point, Tiffany started seeing a therapist. But when that wasn’t providing any relief for her debilitating symptoms, she turned to alcohol and drugs as a coping mechanism.
“I just couldn’t cope on my own anymore,” Tiffany said. “So I was drinking. I was using Benzos … I just couldn’t figure out how I was gonna survive any longer … I had a trip planned to Hawaii … and I was like, I need help now. I gotta go now. So I canceled all my flights and came to APN. [It] took a handful of Atavan to get me [here] on my first day.”
When Tiffany finally made the decision to seek treatment, it took some people in her life by surprise.
“Externally, most people didn’t know [I was suffering],” Tiffany said. “When I called my boss and said, ‘Hey, I’m taking off work. I’m going to treatment for PTSD.’ It was like, ‘Wait. What?’ You know … no one really knew. I had mastered that. But I knew I needed it for sure.”
Seeking Treatment at APN
When Tiffany decided to take that leap of faith to seek treatment, she took her time in trying to find the right place.
“It was days of Googling,” Tiffany said. “I came across APN’s website… and I was like, Wow. This place sounds like it’s really scientifically-based, and I wanted [that]. [Also], it had a gym. That was a big thing. And a place where I felt like I could explore my spirituality without it being forced or controlled. So that’s why I chose APN.”
While coming to APN wasn’t easy, Tiffany began settling into the welcoming atmosphere.
“The first few weeks were rough,” Tiffany said. “You’re coming in, you’re stabilizing, you don’t have your substance or really any escape. The only escape I had (luckily) was the gym and I spent a lot of time in there. But the first three weeks are rough. [Still], there’s a great group of people here who want to help you and be on your side.”
Soon, Tiffany’s fears about being in a restrictive environment were dissipated.
“I was like, I’m not gonna be able to get a pedicure or my nails done the entire time I’m there. I’m gonna come out looking like a rag,” Tiffany said. “But, no. We get to do those things … they’re monitored, but you still get to live. So that was helpful. [Also], we did horseback riding and things like that. Being able to take advantage of those opportunities made me feel more like a human.”
When you’re doing difficult healing work, it’s important to take breaks—something that APN understands and implements throughout their holistic approach.
“[We would] get those necessary breaks from processing because it’s hard work,” Tiffany said. “It’s like 24 hours a day you’re processing and you’re doing assignments and you’re talking about your trauma and you’re thinking about it again and again. So yeah, having those breaks really helped.”
A Plethora of Therapies That Actually Work
Part of what makes recovery at APN so successful is the innovative and comprehensive treatment plans they implement. In particular, Tiffany shared about the different modalities that worked well for her.
“I got paired with a counselor [and] it felt like we were match made in heaven,” Tiffany said. “She knew how to read right through me. She called me out. She knew when I was paying attention and when I was blocking everything out. She knew when I was in another world before I knew … It’s weird. I sometimes still hear her voice [when I’m] journaling … She is straight and direct and that’s what I needed.”
In addition, Tiffany highlighted how much the other offerings at APN helped her.
“The really cool thing about APN is it offers you all of these treatment modalities,” Tiffany said. “You have the spiritual aspect if you want to engage that, you have the TMS, the hyperbaric oxygen chamber, massage—you have all these different avenues to add into your treatment which was really cool for me.”
During her stay at the Lodge, Tiffany took advantage of trying out new therapies.
“I did TMS which I felt significantly helped with my anxiety and sleep issues [as well as my] hyper vigilance that came with the PTSD.”
Additionally, she got a lot out of her classes and process groups.
“The classes are great,” Tiffany said. “I feel like they were adequate in providing me the skills I needed to be successful after I left here. [Also], I still talk to some of the people from my process group … you build this bond that you don’t expect.”
Regaining Power Through Sobriety
Another thing Tiffany didn’t quite expect was to choose to live a sober life after leaving APN.
“I came here thinking, I just have this PTSD and I need to fix that and move on,” Tiffany said. “I never thought, I’m gonna leave here and not drink again … I remember my therapist, Katie, had asked me, ‘Why are we still circling this?’ … That’s when it kind of hit home for me clearly … it just got to the point where, I mean, I could try it again. Sure. But what good does it do for me?”
The more she reflected on this decision, the more she realized she was just using her trauma as a scapegoat for her alcohol and substance abuse issues.
“I remember one day … I was writing down this list [of all] the bad things that I’ve done while drinking,” Tiffany said. “And I was like, Oh my goodness. If somebody gave me this list, I would tell them to never drink again. So it was a pretty easy decision from that moment on. Before that, I was thinking, I’ve got this case of Quintessa wine I gotta go finish and then I’ll reassess that. But then I was like, Oh. That’s my friend lying to me again.”
With unexpected decisions came unexpected rewards.
“This journey of sobriety has been a great way to regain power in my life in a way that I didn’t expect.”
Exploring EMDR Post Treatment Through APN Aftercare & Telehealth Services
While Tiffany explored a lot of new therapies during her stay at APN, there were others she didn’t have the opportunity to try. However, she was later able to pursue them through outpatient programs with APN. In particular, Tiffany opened up about the impact that EMDR had on her aftercare treatment.
“I’m working with Amy Davies [in my telehealth groups] and it has been phenomenal,” Tiffany said. We’re doing EMDR so that’s been something that has been really beneficial for me.”
Tiffany goes on to further illuminate her experience with EMDR.
“[EMDR] can be used for a variety of things but I’m using it mainly for trauma,” Tiffany said. “First, you have a safe place in your head … You need to be able to access this place whenever you get too overwhelmed. [Then], what my therapist does is she will bring up a traumatic [incident] … The entire time we’re getting my brain activated in that area I’m tapping … or watch[ing] a ball go across the screen [which] activates [certain] parts of your brain. [Through this process], I’m able to really pull out these memories and weird details from these traumatizing [experiences] … so it’s really good for processing.”
With her EMDR sessions, Tiffany’s been able to continue her healing journey beyond her initial residential stay with APN.
APN Gave Tiffany the Skills Needed to Succeed In Her Mental Wellness Journey
Anyone can go to treatment for their trauma, mental health, or substance abuse issues. But not everyone is able to leave with the skills needed to maintain a healthy lifestyle post inpatient care. Tiffany highlights the ways in which APN was able to help facilitate that for her.
“I feel like APN gave me the skills I needed to start my mental health journey and then I was able to go home, get back into my real world, and [continue moving forward]. I’ve done IOP [and am] still using the APN therapist … Every day, [I’m putting] the pieces together … I don’t think we ever have it [all] figured out, but I’m a million times better than I was a year ago, and I’m way better than I ever imagined.”
Now, Tiffany has the opportunity to practice many of the things she learned while in treatment.
“Just exercising my skills in my general life – whether it’s work or relationships or friendships – has been really important,” Tiffany said. “Before APN, I didn’t know how to put my needs first or how to listen to my body or my intuition. Now, I know how to do those things. I hear my intuition. I hear my body telling me what to do and what it needs and I listen to it. I can set boundaries. No, it’s not easy, but life gives you a lot of opportunities to practice setting boundaries and I keep practicing it … it’s all about finding your circle that you can feel safe and vulnerable in.”
While this continued work isn’t easy, it allows Tiffany to live a life beyond her trauma and grow into a better version of herself.
“You really have to address all areas,” Tiffany said. “It is so easy to come out of treatment and find another way to escape yourself—like trading one addiction for another … I have to constantly be aware of that. You know, I found myself signing up for too many classes … and I was like, Oh, no Tiffany. That’s an old Tiffany pattern. We don’t do that anymore. I mean, life’s not a race and your mental health is important so making time for it is what helps you be successful.”
Today, Tiffany has a completely different outlook than the one she had before coming to APN.
“I have made a lot of progress and I owe it all to APN providing me the place to do it,” Tiffany said. “Just comparing where I was a year ago versus now [is like] night and day.”
If you’re interested in learning more about All Points North and our addiction and mental health recovery programs, fill out our confidential contact form or call us at 855.934.1178 today. You never know how good your life can get when you make time for the things that matter most.
More From Tiffany
Listen and watch Tiffany’s episode of Recovery x APN below, and find more episodes on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts.
