Attachment theory describes the way that people form connections with others. These connections shape the way you approach your interpersonal relationships.
Disorders involving attachment are more common in children but can often progress into adulthood if the right tools and skills aren’t being utilized to build stronger and healthier relationships. Adult attachment disorders typically refer to when people repeat the same relationship patterns over and over again, despite those patterns leading to poor results.
While adult attachment disorders are not a specific diagnosis in the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V), they may still help you identify your own patterns of behavior and start working toward recovery.
Adult attachment disorders can be treated and overcome with deliberate effort. But first, it’s important to understand the different types of adult attachment disorders and how they can affect your life.
Types of Attachment Disorders
There are two main types of attachment disorders listed in the DSM-V, neither of which are adult attachment disorders. Both of these disorders are diagnosed in childhood, typically after the age of 9 months but before the age of 5.
While adults cannot be diagnosed with these disorders, the theory of adult attachment disorders was originally developed as an extension of these childhood conditions. The two disorders that are listed in the DSM-V include:
Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)
Reactive attachment disorder (RAD) is a pattern of behavior where children rarely seek out comfort from adults when they feel distressed and don’t respond to comfort when it is given. Children with RAD are typically withdrawn and may be irritable, minimally social, or rarely show positive emotion.
RAD is only diagnosed in children who have either experienced neglect, deprivation, or limited caregiver involvement. It is thought that this lack of caregiver involvement is what leads to RAD, as the child learns that they cannot rely on a caregiver’s presence to help them in distressing situations.
Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder (DSED)
Disinhibited social engagement disorder (DSED) is thought to be caused by the same conditions as RAD, where children experience neglect, deprivation, or limited caregiver involvement. However, children with DSED respond to this experience in a nearly opposite direction.
Rather than refusing to seek out comfort from adults, children with DSED show a willingness to approach adult strangers without hesitation. They rarely check in with their caregivers and may exhibit overly familiar behavior with adults they’ve never seen before.
What Are Adult Attachment Styles?
Adult attachment theory was developed by Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby in the 1970s. At first, the focus of attachment theory was on children, and they soon discovered that how a parent or caregiver interacted with a child would change the behaviors and emotions of the child.
However, as they continued to work on theories of childhood attachment, it became apparent that these attachment styles may continue with the children into adulthood. Adult attachment styles are typically broken into four main categories.
Secure Attachment
Secure attachment is the healthiest attachment style and is not a cause for people to seek out treatment or therapy. A person with a secure attachment style typically finds it easy to create and maintain relationships, has a positive sense of self-worth, and is comfortable with expressing their emotions and communicating effectively.
People with a secure attachment style are comfortable being on their own as well as being close to others. Since this is generally ideal for most people, moving toward a more secure attachment style is typically the treatment goal for people struggling with adult attachment issues.
Anxious Attachment
People with an anxious attachment style can worry excessively about their relationships. They often crave intimacy and deep emotional connections but experience fear that they will be abandoned or that their level of intimacy is not reflected in their partner.
People with this form of insecure attachment often need constant reassurance from their friends or romantic partners. This can often be interpreted as being needy or jealous and can ultimately drive a wedge into important relationships.
Avoidant Attachment
The avoidant attachment style is the opposite side of the coin to anxious attachment. People with an avoidant attachment style are wary of intimacy, prefer to be self-reliant, and may end a relationship if things are getting too serious.
Adults with an avoidant attachment style may show signs such as:
- Discomfort sharing emotions with others
- Avoidance of getting too close to people
- A fear of rejection
- Perception by others as cold or distant
With this attachment style, there may still be a desire for intimacy, but it is blocked by a fear of rejection or not being accepted. Rather than facing this fear, many prefer to simply end relationships before they get too serious, saving them from the perceived danger to come.
Disorganized Attachment
Disorganized attachment is the rarest of attachment styles and may be the result of trauma or abuse by a caregiver at a young age. People with disorganized attachment show signs of both avoidant and anxious attachment styles, such as making efforts to enhance social intimacy followed by immediately closing off.
The behaviors of people with disorganized attachment are often inconsistent or paradoxical. It can feel like a constant oscillation between push and pull, intimacy and isolation, anxiety and avoidance. For people with this type of attachment style, seeking treatment is typically the best way to start repairing your relationships for the better.
Treating Adult Attachment Disorders
If you fall into one of the latter three categories, collectively referred to as insecure attachment styles, seeking treatment from mental health professionals can help you build and maintain healthier relationships for years to come.
Typically, the primary treatment method for attachment issues is individual or group therapy. But depending on your exact needs, there may be several treatment options available to help.
Talk Therapy for Attachment Issues
Working with a therapist is the best way to work through attachment problems and move toward a secure attachment style. An individual talk therapist can help you dig down into the underlying causes of your attachment issues, help you understand why you react to intimacy in the way you do, and guide you toward healthier coping mechanisms and actionable skills to help shift you toward more secure attachment.
There are several steps to building a more secure attachment style. In therapy, your therapist can guide you through the following steps.
Identifying Your Attachment Patterns
The first step is to identify your specific attachment style and understand how it interferes with your relationships on a day-to-day basis. Your therapist can help you understand the different attachment styles, how they develop, and what the consequences of insecure attachment may be.
Determining which attachment patterns you fall into can help you and your therapist collaborate on a plan to heal your attachment challenges. It can also give you insight into why you act the way you do, what your needs are, and how you can have those needs met.
Challenging Negative Beliefs
Challenging negative beliefs is one of the core skills used by cognitive behavioral therapists, but it’s employed in a wide range of different therapeutic styles as well. This is particularly important for people who are living with an insecure attachment style, as people can be inundated with beliefs like:
- They are not lovable
- They will never be able to have a healthy relationship
- There’s something wrong with them
- They will always be alone
- They will always “mess up” in a relationship
These beliefs are common and can quickly become self-fulfilling prophecies if left unaddressed. They are rarely rooted in rationality or objective fact, yet they can have powerful effects on your mental and emotional health.
In therapy, you can learn to identify the thought patterns that are irrational, exaggerated, or outright falsehoods. Your therapist can then provide you with the skills to challenge these negative thoughts, reframe them in a more positive and rational light, and reap the benefits of healthier thought patterns and behaviors.
For example, your therapist may ask you to consider and reframe the belief, “I am not lovable.” When you have this thought, you might challenge it by saying, “I haven’t had success in relationships in the past, but that doesn’t mean I won’t find love in the future.”
Teaching Emotional Regulation
People with an insecure attachment style will often struggle to manage their emotions in a healthy and productive way. For example, a person with an anxious attachment style may get so fearful that their partner is cheating that they bombard them with phone calls or text messages, only to be relieved immensely when they walk through the door minutes later.
For people with avoidant attachment styles, reaching a point in a relationship where your partner is asking you to be more intimate and open with your emotions can be frightening or irritating. This often leads to people leaving the situation or ending the relationship, all because it was too much fear or frustration to handle.
Your therapist can help you get more comfortable with these emotions, learn to keep them in check, and provide you with healthier outlets and coping skills to help avoid the turbulent swings these emotions can cause.
One such example is learning mindfulness techniques, which can focus you on the present moment and not let your emotions dictate your behavior.
Cultivating Relationship Skills
Adult attachment challenges are ultimately all about relationships and how people respond to challenges within them. This can be difficult for anyone, with or without attachment difficulties, and building relationship skills with a therapist can be just what you need to move toward a more secure attachment style.
Your therapist can help you with setting appropriate boundaries, communicating your needs to friends or partners, and increasing your comfort with intimacy or reducing your anxiety when you’re apart from your partner.
It can take time to build these relationship skills, but talk therapy is the best place that this can be done. You can work with your therapist to understand what’s causing your biggest issues and how they can be addressed and put them into practical application within the day, all leading to stronger and healthier relationships and a greater sense of personal mental health.
Start Talk Therapy at APN Lodge Today
If you’re struggling with anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment and it’s starting to interfere with the quality of your relationships, it might be time to start talk therapy with a professional. Leaving these challenges untreated can ultimately lead to a number of personal and interpersonal difficulties, but you can prevent such obstacles by taking action today.
To learn more about how APN Lodge helps people overcome their attachment challenges, reach out to our team by filling out our confidential contact form or by calling us at 855.934.1178.
References
- Ainsworth, Mary S., and John Bowlby. “An Ethological Approach to Personality Development.” American Psychologist, vol. 46, no. 4, 1991, pp. 333–341, https://doi.org/10.1037//0003-066x.46.4.333.
