Written by Samantha Carter
On the outside looking in, Christine looked like she had her life together. Being a nurse for over 10 years, she was often the person people would depend and rely on. However, after years of hiding her problem with opioids, Christine’s struggle with addiction was finally revealed during one of her nursing shifts when she was caught stealing and using hospital drugs.
After hitting rock bottom, Christine was forced to make some big decisions in her life. Several years later, she’s now working at an addiction rehab center where she uses her personal healing story as a gift to inspire others to seek sobriety. To learn more about Christine’s path to recovery, check out the full All Points North (APN) podcast episode, I Deserve Sobriety: Recovery x Christine, or continue reading the article below.
Addiction Treatment and Relapse
Christine had been struggling with addiction since she was 19 years old. However, she was probably the last person her friends and family thought it would happen to.
“I was the best kid,” Christine said. “I didn’t do anything I shouldn’t have done. I didn’t even drink. [Then], when I had legal consequences, I decided to do all the drugs. I ended up going to treatment once in Florida [and] I stayed sober 11 months. Then, I kind of dipped back into my d-o-c, which is opiates and benzo, [and that’s] what led me to APN.”
Deep into her addiction, Christine found herself somewhere she never thought she’d be.
“I was working as a nurse … and I picked up a night shift,” Christine said. “I don’t remember the shift—like I ended up stealing or diverting oxycodone and then I was shooting myself up with straight Ativan and I guess I disappeared. [Then] they found me in a bathroom with needles all around. I got escorted off the premises by police and was sent home. Obviously, I was terminated. I didn’t have any legal consequences but at that point I was like, something’s got to give … so I looked up places and I found All Points North.”
With her back against the wall, Christine reluctantly sought treatment once again.
“I was living with my parents and my husband [at the time],” Christine said. “It was either go somewhere and do something or get out. I was like, Okay. Well I guess I’ll go … I probably was losing my nursing license so I was like, I might as well go.”
Prove That You Can’t Be Fixed
When Christine first came to treatment, she didn’t believe it would work for her.
“I ended up coming in on April 1st [of 2021] and, of course, I took everything I could take on the way up,” Christine said. “As soon as I got up there and the door shut, I was like, Yeah. No. I’m not going to do this. I don’t want to be vulnerable.”
After that, she decided she was on a mission to prove she was unfixable.
“I had something in me that just was like, No. I think you’re too broken. You can’t be fixed. So you’re going to do everything and you’re going to prove to everybody that they can’t fix you. And that’s kind of how I went into… it.”
Leaning Into Therapy
Little did Christine know that while trying to prove she was unfixable, she would actually begin to heal.
“Then, I met Dustin, who was my [APN] therapist,” Christine said. “I remember my first meeting with Dustin. He was like, ‘Listen—we got to go through this thing and you can tell me all the traumas of your life but we have 28 days to figure this out for you,’ [because] that’s what I signed up for … And I was like, Okay. I can get with this guy. This guy is pretty chill. [And] that probably was the turning point.”
This wasn’t Christine’s first time in therapy or in treatment. But, it was the first time she felt like she was able to embrace her true feelings rather than try to figure out how to get rid of them.
“I came in being really numb so I had trouble figuring out my emotions,” Christine said. “The only emotion I knew and was comfortable with was anger. I had been to therapy before where [I was told] like, ‘You really need to work on that—fix that.’ And Dustin’s like, ‘Screw that! Use it. Use it to your [advantage] to figure this out.”
Through her transformative therapy sessions, Christine was able to start to view sobriety in a whole new light.
“The very last thing Dustin ever told me on the day that I left was so powerful,” Christine said. “He was just like, ‘You deserve sobriety and I need you to know that.’ I still use that to this day … it’s not that I needed it—it’s that I deserved it. And that was something that was very simple and powerful [for me].”
Looking back on the impact of her therapy, Christine knows just how much it meant.
“It’s not even that he saved my life,” Christine said. “He taught me how to save my own. And that’s the most [incredible] thing he gave me.”
Sober Parties and Lasting Connections
Not only did Christine meet an incredible therapist at APN, but she also made lasting connections with some of the other program participants.
“I ended up getting in good with Kirsten, [my roommate], and then Drew. We were kind of The Three Amigos,” Christine said. “Kirsten loved people so she always brought me into like these sober parties and that’s what I remember the most about APN—[it’s] where [I] learned how to have sober fun in a safe environment.”
When you go to a rehab facility, fun isn’t likely the first thing you expect to have. But, as Christine found out, that was really something that APN was good at facilitating.
“We used to hang out in the hot tub. We used to go up and watch sunsets,” Christine said. “I don’t think it’s a secret that APN has NFL guys that come in. They would come hang out with us … so we would just have like this community of fun and that was more powerful than anything else.”
Fortunately, leaving APN didn’t have to mean leaving behind these new connections.
“Kirsten and Drew are still, to this day, my best friends,” Christine said. “We still have a group chat, we Zoom, we talk to each other. Kirsten just came up last week and we hung out for a couple of days—like those are my lifelong friends.”
Adjusting to Life Back at Home
At the same time Christine had made some new meaningful relationships, she’d have some repair to do in the relationships waiting for her back home.
“I think the hardest thing about coming home is your family has been away from you and they’re hearing about all this great stuff,” Christine said. “So my husband, I think, kind of almost expected me not to have angry moments because ‘I’m fixed.’ And it’s like, ‘No. That behavior is still there. I still have to work on it. I have a lot of work to do.’ And then one of the things Dustin told me was like, ‘Don’t hesitate to play the recovery card’ … and that’s what I did. I think that was really hard ‘cause I had to be really selfish in a way.”
Adjusting back to the “real world” would require Christine to let go of more than just her loved one’s expectations.
“I lived in a really small town where they definitely heard about what happened and I was definitely judged,” Christine said. “So I couldn’t even find a job and I was like, I’m living with my parents. I can’t be a nurse. How am I going to get out of this situation?”
Not always sure how she was going to get through it, Christine continued taking things one step at a time.
“I kind of trudged on,” Christine said. “I kept with my IOP. I kept with my meetings. I went when I didn’t want to go. I went double when I didn’t want to go. I worked with a sponsor. I was open with my family. And I didn’t attend things. There were just things I didn’t do because if I felt like it was a risk to my sobriety, it wasn’t worth it … I started to focus more on repairing my relationships than what I was doing for work.”
Figuring Out Her Next Moves
Before long, Christine was able to return to work. However, it was vastly different from any professional setting she’d been in before.
“Through some connections in my small town, I got a job as a lunch lady at a cafeteria,” Christine said. “It was part-time and I was probably making the least amount of money I’ve ever made… It was like this humbling [experience]. Then, I still [didn’t] know if I want[ed] to be a nurse …. [So], I just did my job the best that I could … and … I figured it out.”
Continuing to work hard, Christine’s situation began to turn around.
“[The] Board of Nursing eventually came back and … finally let me have a nursing license with a ton of restrictions,” Christine said. “Then I found Foundry Treatment Center, which is where I work now … [My boss] decided to take the chance [on me].”
Not only did her boss take a chance on her, but he also supported her through her sobriety.
“One of my other addictions is … I will work until you won’t let me work anymore,” Christine said. “Luckily, with being on probation, I’m not allowed to do that and my boss is very cognizant of it. So when I’m at work, I’m at work. And when I’m not at work, I’m living my best life. I work to live. I don’t live to work anymore.”
Living Her Best Life, Sober
Not only has Christine learned how to have sober fun since coming to APN, but she’s also learned how to enjoy her life outside of the workaholic grind. This shift, in turn, has helped her change her entire method of thinking.
“I used to [overthink] all my interactions and now I don’t,” Christine said. “Even if something was a little awkward … I’ll just say it. [My clients where I work always tell me], ‘You just seem super real.’ And [I’m] like, ‘It’s ‘cause I’ve been through it … You can live this best life if you just stay sober and it just keeps getting better.’”
While the idea of living a fulfilling life sober once seemed like a hopeless pipedream to Christine, it is now her driving force.
“In the word hopeless is the word hope,” Christine said. “So you just have to find the hope in the hopeless and then things will be better. That’s what I do and I think that’s what helps keep me sober—know[ing] there’s always a light, there’s always something.”
If you’re interested in learning more about All Points North and our addiction, trauma, and mental health recovery programs, submit our confidential contact form or call us at 855.934.1178 today. You never know how good your life can get when you allow yourself to receive the gift of sobriety.
More From Christine
Listen and watch Christine’s episode of Recovery x APN below, and find more episodes on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts.
