Ask five people what self-love means, and you’ll likely get five answers. The idea is subjective; our sense of “self” differs, so “self-love” looks different for each of us.
In general, self-love means accepting, respecting, and honoring yourself. How you view yourself shapes your choices, aspirations, and goals. With reflection, self-awareness emerges as a key step toward genuine self-love.
Rather than follow social media noise, let’s focus on strengthening the most important relationship you’ll ever have, the one with yourself. Self-love is essential to overall well-being.
What Does Self-Love Look Like?
Self-love is hard to define because it shows up in many ways. It could be how you treat yourself and others, the choices you make, and your outlook when things are hard. Acknowledging and sitting with your feelings helps you understand and accept them without judgment.
Self-love is appreciating yourself, treating yourself with kindness and respect, and taking steps to protect and nurture your well-being. It includes setting healthy boundaries and affirming your needs. For example, someone in an unhealthy relationship might practice self-love by taking steps to leave, choosing peace and well-being over toxicity. Sometimes self-love means walking away or saying no.
Self-love shapes decisions and self-trust; understanding and processing emotions builds resilience and self-acceptance. Self-love relates to self-esteem, our sense of worth. Nurturing it fosters self-compassion and self-care.
Benefits of Self-Love
Positive self-esteem supports mental health and acts as a protective factor. Everyone deserves care, and recognizing that worth strengthens self-esteem. Healthy social behaviors linked to strong self-esteem can buffer negative influences and support better health outcomes. Low self-esteem can show up in many ways, including depression, anxiety, or codependent and unsafe relationship dynamics. Some people can also develop eating or substance-use disorders.
What matters is strengthening self-love and prioritizing your well-being over external validation. Self-love helps us commit to our well-being and protect our physical, emotional, and spiritual health. We can cultivate it at any time, reconnecting with our sense of dignity and self-worth.
What Gets in the Way of Self-Acceptance
Negative self-talk often blocks self-love and well-being. This inner dialogue can sound harsh and critical, questioning your worth and undermining your confidence. It may stem from past experiences or internalized expectations, making it feel almost automatic, a learned pattern, not an identity. Recognizing negative self-talk is crucial.
When your inner voice turns unkind, pause and ask where it comes from: your belief or someone else’s echo? Meet these moments with compassion and replace negative narratives with supportive, realistic ones. By noticing and shifting your self-talk, you build a more positive relationship with yourself. This supports mental health and self-worth, strengthening resilience as you move toward greater self-love.
How to Cultivate Self-Love
How you view yourself shapes your life, so self-appreciation matters. Learning self-love can be challenging, especially if early caregiving didn’t meet your needs. Those formative relationships influence how you relate to yourself. From an early age, our environment shapes us, including our attachment styles.
Later, we may need to reframe how we see ourselves and unlearn patterns that no longer serve us, which will require patience and consistent effort. We build self-esteem by doing “esteem-able acts.” Likewise, we cultivate self-love through actions, affirmations, and tools. Repeated practice can strengthen habits and make self-acceptance feel more natural.
Self-love is not something that simply appears; it is created through intentional choices and consistent self-care. Below are nine steps you can take to help develop and deepen self-love².
You don’t have to do this alone.
Talk with our team to understand your options and next steps.
Get Support1: Repeat daily positive affirmations
Affirmations are positive statements that help challenge negative thoughts. You can shift your self-view by repeating them aloud. Consistent practice strengthens helpful mental habits, supporting self-love and self-trust over time. Set phone reminders with affirmations throughout the day. Try saying them in the mirror. It may feel awkward at first, but practice can shift your inner dialogue and build compassion.
Here are supportive statements that you can either pick from to find one that resonates, or use as inspiration to create your own:
- I love and believe in myself.
- I am here, and I am enough.
- I deserve happiness, growth, and good things.
- I am capable of loving myself.
- I accept myself exactly as I am in this moment.
To reinforce these affirmations, journal them or write yourself a letter. Reflecting in writing can clarify progress and strengthen self-love.
2: Forgive yourself for mistakes
We all make mistakes. Growth means owning them and learning. Self-criticism can block forgiveness, as harsh inner judgments undercut compassion and healing. Forgiving yourself takes practice. If you need support, see “How to Forgive Yourself.”
3: Accept your imperfections
We all want to change things about ourselves and can be our own worst critics. If acceptance is hard, speak to yourself as you would a friend. Self-acceptance supports emotional well-being and lets you embrace who you are.
A good friend encourages change only when it serves you, and loves you as you are. Think of those you love most. They’re worthy of love, flaws and all. Sometimes the traits they’d change are what you cherish. Extend that same acceptance to yourself.
4: Be proactive and set goals
It’s affirming to set a goal, work toward it, and achieve it. Challenging yourself signals that you’re worthy of growth. Reasonable, healthy goals show you believe in your ability to grow. Talk with a trusted person and create realistic, actionable steps. A to-do list helps organize tasks, track progress, and sustain motivation.
Start small, with a goal like drinking more water. Week one: add one glass a day. Week two, add another; week three, add again. Notice changes and celebrate wins along the way. As you meet small goals and build confidence, move to bigger ones. Focus sustains progress and reinforces commitment. Return to small goals whenever you need a reset.
5: Create a vision board for yourself
Dreams open limitless possibilities, even if they feel out of reach. If self-esteem has been a struggle, believing in yourself may be hard, and a harsh inner voice can amplify insecurities. That’s where a vision board helps. With magazines, scissors, glue, and poster board, build a collage that inspires you.
Not sure where to start? Browse and note images that stand out. Create stories from the photos. What feels energizing or intriguing? Vision boards can channel positive energy toward goals, making intentions feel tangible and motivating. If images don’t link to a specific dream, that’s okay; they can evoke feelings that lead to clarity. Research suggests mental imagery may support learning and performance in specific skills; visualization can reinforce mental rehearsal.
6: Prioritize your health and well-being
Caring for yourself is hard if you don’t feel worthy. Keeping appointments, nourishing your body and mind, and protecting your sleep are all signals that you are worthy of care. Healthy habits build self-love and support well-being. Caring for your body improves health and reinforces self-acceptance and emotional growth. Feeling well makes it easier to protect your wellness and believe you deserve to thrive.
7: Protect yourself and your time
Boundaries teach others how to treat us. They vary by person and relationship and can be adjusted over time. Setting boundaries is self-protection that safeguards emotional well-being and limits toxic influences. If boundaries build healthy relationships, how would you respond if a loved one set one with you? Would you honor a reasonable request to help them feel safe and loved? Ideally, yes.
If communicating needs is hard, clarify what helps you feel safe and respected. A therapist can help define your needs and build language and tools for setting boundaries with yourself and others. Maybe you stay up too late on your phone or need help with time management. Job stress may be contributing to the erosion of self-love. Healing steps after an abusive relationship can be crucial for restoring a sense of self-worth and security. Engaging in self-care practices, such as journaling and meditation, can support healing and provide clarity in understanding one’s emotions. It’s also helpful to connect with supportive friends or groups who can offer encouragement and validation during this journey.
You may also struggle to say no or to stand up for yourself. Pressure to meet others’ expectations can sideline your needs. Most people find boundaries hard, but they’re essential for healthy relationships, with others and yourself. Boundaries prevent miscommunication and reduce conflict.
8: Be true to yourself
With social media pressure and easy image editing, it’s tempting to shape yourself to trends. Research has linked social media use to body-image concerns and mental health risks, yet many of us still hold unrealistic standards. It sounds cliché, but it’s true: no one else is you. Remember, social media and reality TV aren’t reality; your relationship with yourself is.
One way to support this is by getting more honest and gentle with yourself. Pay attention to what you’re feeling, try not to judge it, and make choices that reflect what truly matters to you. This approach to authenticity involves accepting ourselves, our strengths, and our weaknesses without bias. It also means understanding and accepting our different inner parts, recognizing that each aspect of ourselves deserves compassion and healing.
We practice authenticity by living in line with our values, preferences, and needs, accepting that we’ll contradict ourselves at times. Listen to your inner voice with kind curiosity to understand your true needs, and strive for openness and sincerity in all relationships, including the one with yourself.
9: Take responsibility and hold yourself accountable
Building on the previous point, self-love involves reflection, awareness, and humility. Seeing yourself clearly in the present lets you take accountability for your thoughts and actions, including how past feelings shaped choices. From there, work toward changing behaviors to become a healthier version of yourself. Being present with each emotion, without judgment, is essential. Taking responsibility for growth moves you forward.
The Secret to Self-Love
Self-love isn’t selfish; it’s knowing you’re worthy, even while growing. It’s an ongoing practice of treating yourself with respect, compassion, and honesty. When you don’t feel worthy, you may accept less than you deserve, which is why changing your beliefs and making space for self-reflection matters.
Support from loved ones or a mental health professional can help you build awareness and prioritize your well-being. If you need help building self-esteem and practicing self-love, we’re here for you. You can contact All Points North at 970.591.6710 or visit the Contact page to get started.
Disclaimer
This content is for educational purposes only and does not replace professional mental health diagnosis, treatment, or care. Self-love and self-esteem challenges may stem from underlying mental health conditions. Always consult a qualified mental health professional for personalized support. By exploring emotional wellbeing tools for individuals, one can foster a more resilient mindset and promote overall mental health. These resources can help enhance self-care practices and encourage personal growth. Incorporating techniques such as mindfulness and journaling can also lead to improved emotional regulation and clarity.
Reference:
- Michal (Michelle) Mann, Clemens M. H. Hosman, Herman P. Schaalma, Nanne K. de Vries, Self-esteem in a broad-spectrum approach for mental health promotion, Health Education Research, Volume 19, Issue 4, August 2004, Pages 357–372, https://doi.org/10.1093/her/cyg041
- Martin, Sharon (2019). What is self-love and why is it so important. Retrieved on January 25, 2022 at https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2019/05/what-is-self-love-and-why-is-it-so-important#What-is-self-love?
- Lohr, Jim. “Can Visualizing Your Body Doing Something Help You Learn to Do It Better?” Scientific American, Scientific American, 1 May 2015, https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/can-visualizing-your-body-doing-something-help-you-learn-to-do-it-better/.
- “Just How Harmful Is Social Media? Our Experts Weigh-In.” Mailman School of Public Health, Columbia, 27 Sept. 2021, https://www.publichealth.columbia.edu/public-health-now/news/just-how-harmful-social-media-our-experts-weigh.
- Kernis, Michael H., and Brian M. Goldman. “A Multicomponent Conceptualization of Authenticity: Theory and Research.” Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, Academic Press, 7 May 2006, https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0065260106380069?via%3Dihub.
Reviewed by Emmeline Massey MSW, LSW
